IWill

IWill 2022-08-09 09:17 - 4 minute read

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Some people make others attack you where it hurts you the most. Relatable?

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There was a gang waiting for me. Everyone just attacked me on things like what I say, I am rude, i am careless and it was so disturbing. Why is everyone after me like that? What wrong did I do? 

But the painful thing is, this was not the first time it happened to me, neither the last time.

There was this person who didn't like me but in the same time, they didn't want to look bad in others eyes by attacking me. 

 

So they would directly never attack me in front of others. I was aware that they disliked me because they would give me cold vibes, they would Indirectly attack me, they would always do something so that the person I wanted to spend time with, doesn't do it.

But to get back at me completely, they would instigate others.

They would go at lengths to talk about how bad I was, how unfair I was to other people, calling them sometimes even separately and then the whole gang would attack me.

Everyone would collectively make me feel isolated and alone.

Everyone would make me feel like I was the worst person. Not talented and so on. I was doing nothing intentionally yet I would be made to feel like I was the worst person.

 

I was so lonely, so scared, so unhappy.I was so lonely, so scared, so unhappy.

I used to be so pained that everyone takes their sides and no one cares for me.

I used to feel stuck and also so low in my esteem.

And this person was so ugly at heart that they continued hurting me while also trying to show random sympathy to me to look good.

 

I joined IWill therapy, to speak, to feel some sanity within me.

My therapist first helped me disconnect my sense of self understanding from their behavior. She asked me to see how it's this group of people, not me.

Next she helped me to have some space. Some boundaries, some reflections, some things that make me feel happier even with all this ugliness around.

She helped me assert, have boundaries and speak for myself and tell people on their face as what they were doing was unacceptable to me.

She helped me see myself as power and someone who could rise above these attacks to be myself.

Next time they ganged up.against me, I made it clear that i will not tolerate it.

I stopped being available to everyone for abuse.

I started focusing on my career and work and my work started speaking for me, my growth, my elevated status made their plans and plots so redundant.

I stated developing a bond with few people leaving behind egos or why did you say this. This helped them see I wasn't this person that I was being made.

The person who was this ugly now started attacking me in open. Some felt that they were not exposed, others reacted in their fear and distanced more from me. Whatever they choose to do, I am glad I no longer take their daily toxicity anymore.

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