Sometimes you feel like there is no way out of your pain and humiliation!
7 months ago I really was sure there was no way out to the pain I was stuck in
I was living with people who didn’t leave one opportunity to mistreat me or make me feel bad about myself. I had some setbacks and they would keep pointing out this to me!
I didn’t have a good work-life... due to the drama around, distraction, and my own emotional pain that kept me away, I had lost the plot. Everyone was way ahead of me. People thought I was a failure and no one believed in me.
Because of the way I was humiliated and choked, I had stopped being social... people who didn’t know what I was going through also misunderstood me because manipulators and attackers of my self-esteem showed up all the time!
I had been in a fix, unable to think clearly. To really get out of this toxic trap, I had to work really hard, I had to be stronger and focus on myself, I had to make the right decisions, but I didn’t have faith in myself anymore,
I hadn’t made one right decision in the longest possible time! I had suffered because of these decisions,
I had suffered because of not being able to emotionally be strong and focus on self, or even know when focusing on self. What really self was?
I was in a mess. I was unhappy from each direction and I didn’t have clarity on what could change my life... I decided to start therapy at iwill!
And it was here that my therapist helped me see several things..
She helped me see patterns in my life that were holding me back. Whether at work or at home, I always wanted someone else to come and fight for me, I never believed in myself... I was too emotional and once spoken badly about. Or the idea that I would be spoken wrongly about would break me and this was keeping me all fear struck, with the wrong people, with the wrong assumptions and stuck at a wrong place.
I needed to break this cycle of being so hurt by people who I knew didn’t matter... they were never going to be part of the solution in my life; they were always going to be part of a problem!!
My therapist helped me see that in the past, I actually didn’t take decisions tornmyslefZzz I just reacted from one situation to the other, I didn’t do things that people do for their life in a planned manner...
And that I had to start from somewhere today.. I couldn’t break myself in the ego or fear again that if I start from scratch what would people say about me! They didn’t matter. No one did... how
I felt in this moment about myself mattered a lot... and I had to learn to live in present, for myself... for what is right for me even if that meant cutting toxic relationships out, taking things head on, confronting people, and so on!
She helped me stop worrying about what people think. She helped me learn to focus on how I can take control of my life. How could I be first responsible to myself?
How could I be responsible for my finances?
How could I be responsible for my growth?
How could I stop the toxic abuse and stop people from labeling me?
How could I learn to not worry about what manipulator is making others believe?
How could I disconnect from this?
And when I worked on myself, everyone stopped mattering at all!
I now have a stable action towards my career.
I have cut off toxic people completely from my life.
I don’t care at all what they think or say about me but if they come and say it to my face, I give them a befitting reply there and then
I make decisions with clarity for myself! I take steps that are helping me! No longer am I slave to my mental health issues nor to people who used every toxicity to make themselves look better than me!