IWill

IWill 2022-07-26 12:48 - 2 minute read

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Stop normalizing neglecting a wife for work and other members as a good thing. It's abuse and it's horribly wrong

IWill blogs

 

I haven't changed a bit. I am the same as I used to be. I go out with friends, I give the same time to my family too. Wife has come but I haven't changed anything.

She may feel upset but work is work. Now i can't drive my life according to her. I have no wish to entertain all this.

I don't go to her home. I never stay there simple. That's her house, she can go.

I still talk to my parents, my siblings more. They need me. I am not that person who would change When wife comes.

For many of you, it may seem that these statements reflect a person who is very good or socially ideal, or someone who is a great son, friend or career person.

But in reality, such thinking patterns, these ways are not to be celebrated, they are horribly abusive and show neglect, ignorance and a painful attitude towards your wife.

The reality is if you are married, you must change to accommodate, to make space, time, and love for your wife.

Imagine if you rent a place and then some people already live there so when new one comes, you say there is no space for them in your place. Does that make any sense? You would say why would someone do this? When you have rented out a place? You have to give it to the person renting, that's just how it is.

So if this basic thing is clear, how can you make your wife who has come in your life, not have space and time.

She should leave her family but you don't want to even acknowledge or stay with hers. How would that work? How are these family values?

She should have no time with you when you and she are first family. How is this your family value? 

It's highly abusive, morally wrong and toxic to do this to your wife. I

There is nothing to celebrate about abuse.

So many women are in therapy because marriages have isolated them completely. And when they talk about it, it's shown as if they are wrong to expect. 

So many men in couple therapy have this view that they want to be with wife too but don't want to do wrong. And that notion and that learning is so odd. 

Ignoring your wife when she is married to you, your closest family she has become is horribly wrong.

She is your first family now. She and you need each other's time, need to prioritise each other and need to make space! The toxic neglect needs to stop now. It's ruining lives and marriages.

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