IWill 2021-04-15 01:33 - 4 minute read

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The worst is when the husband treats the wife as an outsider!

IWill user

Please talk to mummy about this. I don’t get all this.
I have to go with friends this weekend. This was a plan made for long.
Mummy cooks great food, no one can cook like her.
Listen to mummy. Do as she says. I got married for her happiness.
I can’t go with you to your parents. I have to stay back and take care of my family. They won’t like it.
Showing no affection publicly just to impress others that he is still macho enough.

This was my husband’s behavior and more and it was very painful. He really treated me like an outsider!

I would be alone, he would have his friends! I had to be homely, for his mother, as though I was a woman who had no ambitions, no needs, no voice!

My husband treated me with a lot of insensitivity and it would hurt me so much that I didn’t want to do anything. I used to feel caged, there was just listening to orders, listening to how I was not good enough while my husband acted like an “ENTITLED BACHELOR” and I was supposed to be a “Sanskari no voice no needs woman”.

I was beyond depressed! I joined iwill therapy to vent out, to speak, to gain clarity on was I wrong for the amount of anger I was feeling within me!

Therapy helped me see that I was pained because of the treatment I would get that was like an outsider!

The therapist helped me to ease my pain, speak out and vent out, stop feeling guilty and bad about self and stand up for self! She helped me get strong and show where the hypocrisy was, where the not right was and she supported me to get stronger, assertive, more self-confident, and less pained for their behavior didn’t define me!

And I did this, I asked why was it ok for him to lead a bachelor's life while I would lose all my aspirations of even being a wife!

Why were his parents so important and mine totally irrelevant and why when it came to his sister, his parents were still important? Why the hypocrisy!

Why I was supposed to be ignored by him when I was expected to ignore my human needs for him too.

What had he thought of me, my personality, my needs, my heart! I wasn’t someone who had nothing and he was doing a favor providing a roof! I had a happy family, I had a happy heart and he had no business to break it, break his promise of companionship like this!
My assertion, my confidence,  my strength started rattling people around, initially even my husband but he started seeing my perspective, I was also strengthening our friendship and bond so that he could see how I wasn't an outsider, he was mine! He joined therapy, realized how emotionally abusive he was, how much loneliness I suffered, and changed. I took time to forgive him, but eventually, I did

The worst pain for any person is when their partner treats them with an arm’s length, leaving the responsibility of care on no one’s shoulder and breaking them! I went through hell and back and hence thought of sharing this pain and my fighting it back

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