IWill 2021-11-29 12:11 - 4 minute read

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There was no reason for mother inlaw to dislike me. Husband realized & supported

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I and my husband were in IWill therapy. We were really going through a troubled marriage. The major reason was that my husband's mother didn't like me and my husband had started using her reference to judge me, to fight with me, and ignore me!


It was making me feel so bad. It felt like "Was I NOTHING for him?" "Was his relationship with me not independent?" 

Did he only care about his mom and his wife was nothing?


It was in IWill therapy that my husband and I could really discuss what was wrong, how I was being cornered and treated unfairly and denied love and acceptance that I deserved. 


My husband in one of the sessions, I really like her but you know my mother is also not wrong. She really has been hurt and this is what I am trying to tell her, to take care of this, to bring changes in herself!


to this the therapist asked my husband. Ok and like what are the issue that you feel are problematic, that your mother or you find discomfort at!

So my husband said like 

My mother thinks she is too opinionated
She is very childish, laughs randomly and is really immature
She doesn’t respect elders of our home
She is only attached to me and my mom thinks she is not really in love with others
And that She wants to change me and influence me... These are some of the things...

So The therapist  at iWill picked one by one


And she said, whatever we have discussed, the only thing she has opinions for, is how should her life be? What kind of things she wants to do and what makes her happy, what is it that she believes? This is everyone's right! To express self. to be self... This is not imposing her opinions on others... In fact, others are imposing their thoughts on her... Just see it once, don't you want to succeed, do things that make you happy, have space for self expression? Does that make you a bad person?


And the thing about she being childish, what you guys shared in these sessions, she was just trying to be herself. This is her home. She is supposed to be happy. Sometimes someone says things that people may not like but families need to build acceptance here. Laughing and spreading joy is a good thing.

She isnt respectful of elders comes from few things like she once said she was not comfortable, doing something which made her feel less as a woman. Or when she responded to someone that her career is important too or when she wasn't ok when someone made a remark about her mother... This doesn't show disrespect... She needs supoort... May be she will learn to accept everyone when others see her like a family too. And you can be the bridge here. 

The fact that as a young couple, she needs your time and is trying to make you happy is natural. She has changed her life for you. She will be more attached to you... But that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it. Your mom too would have been more attached to your father and you too see your wife as your own... This is not wrong... This is natural! 


What is needed is understanding... The dislike of your family towards her needs a shift... But first you guys need to manage emotional relationship with each other and support each other through this. 

And not see each other through other's lens. 


And this session is what made my husband start thinking of how most premises of disliking me were plain bias and wrong...


Things are improving for us in therapy... The good thing is we both are receptive to change and supporting each other through this... 

I am glad we joined therapy... But it's still sad that women post marriage face such issues...it wasn't something that I deserved... 

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