Those who teach lesson of duty to wife should learn lesson of duty for husband too

iwill user

A wife should love my parents 

She should understand I have friends 

She should support me in my career 

She should understand our needs to grow family 

She should respect my family values and structure 

She should tolerate and never talk back

She should adjust sometimes with things she doesn’t like.

She should understand I love my family... 

 

Husbands who understand so much on what wife needs to do are all around. My husband was also one of the same... 

For everything, he had a reminder of my duty... 

All this while, he never thought what I need... I had a home where my parents loved me may be even more than his parents did! 

He never saw me as I had a heart too, a home where no one asked me to adjust. He just asked me to be in his life without creating a space for me where I felt comfortable, welcomed, HUMAN!

 

And this destroyed me... I was seen as someone who just had to fit in, beg for love,,, and this man was educated, is someone who loved me...

We started IWill therapy... I got to know about this app from a friend... and it was here that the therapist helped my husband reflect on, how he had duties for me too... 

 

Duty to love me!

Duty to value my value system!

Duty to see I came from a family where I still belong!

Duty to see that I deserve dignity like he has dignity in a place he calls home!

Duty to see that I had put my trust on him for love, for companionship 

Duty to extend warmth and compassion to me.

Duty to try and understand, empathize with me, pay attention to my emotions too!

 

Duty in marriage is not one-sided... it’s two ways... a woman is not meant to destroy her happiness and lead a lifeless life... she deserves to be loved... 

And my husband did see over the course of couple therapy how he had completely seen me as a robot, essentially. Seen me as though like all women from times immemorial, I had to, just had to adjust to all things his mother hated too and complained about... 

 

Men who preach duties to their wife should look to themselves too. 

Their duty is more than providing a surname and gets someone to live in their home. 

Their duty is to really make a unified family, the latter needs love... their duty is to make a home, that needs love and acceptance, not adjustment!