When a man doesn't stand up for his wife's respect, nothing breaks her more

IWill

It was a love marriage, and I had believed my husband would love me the most and take care of me. But it was the biggest shock of my life when I got married.

His family was very conservative, and rather than standing up for me, my husband would always stay silent or enable his family's poor behavior

 When his mother, for the first time, said that he should not spend time with me all the time, and especially in front of others, rather than confronting this, he started ignoring me in front of his family

 When someone would suddenly scold me for doing something basic, like maybe laughing a bit louder, rather than standing up for me, he would not interrupt anyone and just keep quiet

If he fought with his family, he would leave the house, not worried about what I would do, or that I need him or that I am in this home for him

He would feed his mother if she got insecure with his own hands, while completely ignoring my presence

 He would make me feel completely unseen to make his mother feel comfortable and praise her all the time, while not giving any attention to me

 If someone made me feel little by talking about my family or making a remark on my work, he would stay quiet

I was asked to get up and go and sit at the back when I was sitting in the front seat of the car. it was the most painful thing for me, and yet my husband kept quiet

If I asked my husband, he would blame me for overreacting, for making his life tougher, for not understanding him and his situation

His reluctance to do anything for me or take any steps that would heal me was beyond painful

I was in his home. I trusted him. I loved him. I believed in him. I took a leap of faith on him

And here I was, attacked by his family, made to feel like an outsider, and yet he did nothing

 I would cry all night, and he would blame me for creating drama

I was made completely insecure and in pain

I joined IWill therapy, and it was here that my therapist at IWill first acknowledged my pain and my dilemma.

I was just married a few months ago, and while his behavior was so out of line, I was still feeling stuck, as this was love from my side and now a marriage too. A way out of this situation for me was unthinkable, and she was able to see that

 She first helped me slowly get in touch with my friends and get some social support outside, even if it felt a little

Next, no matter how much I cried, she encouraged me to focus on my career and motivated me to take steps towards my work, skills, even if it felt difficult

She helped me learn to assert and not take abuse silently, and let anyone walk over me

 She also helped me learn not to beg my husband or beg him to speak to me no matter how emotionally pained i would be feeling

She also enabled me to learn to distance myself from either my husband or his family, using me for their power games.

 Slowly, I started gaining my resilience and my momentum

 I started feeling stronger and would spend time with friends and other social circles and not beg for his time

 I would stand up for myself and not let anyone treat me secondly or say unkind things

I started excelling at work and spending more time seeking and deriving validation and happiness from my growth at work

My husband did notice the changes in me and has suggested that we talk

But it was and is the worst pain for me. If he loved me or if it was worth it, I would not have been treated like this in his presence

He enabled much of this behavior to save himself, and I can't forget or forgive this

The faith of a wife is broken when her husband too becomes part of the emotional abuse

Currently, I am focusing on my healing and eventually just walking out.

I know marriage is a big relationship, but that is why I feel it's even more important to take the right step

I am glad I took help. I am so happy I have a life and I am not just in that endless abuse, devaluation, and no respect cycle

 It's the worst pain to see your husband enabling your disrespect by their silence, but I am glad I am finally out

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