When no one cares for you at home, every day feels hurtful. 

A. Mehta

My mood was upset. I was feeling lonely. 

 

But I couldn’t expect anyone to show me empathy or sit and talk with me. 

I was “one of those who is always sad” according to them. 

Another day I was just sitting in room. No one bothered to talk to me, engage me or understand what was going on. When I had years in my eyes, my loved one said, I only “cry”.

 

I was unwell and not doing so good. But then according to people around everyone feels unwell, everyone gets up and down... They paid some attention and then just did nothing next, just kept telling me “don’t worry you will be fine”.

This was my home... where no one cared for me... and it was not like there was no love in this home...when someone else was unwell, or upset or feeling lonely, everyone would take care... oh was only me who was seen as undeserving of love, judged, considered wrong. 

 

This is because one particular member of the family was a narcissist and they were forever the victim, forever that person who needed attention, the one who was always right... 

They were the ones who set the narrative, created drama, and made my normal actions too look like they were against them or that I was wrong... 

 

I was really always in pain, in my heart and mind, I would keep thinking why do they all behave like this with me, why don’t they listen to me? Why don’t I matter to them? Why does my loved one, attack me for them?

Why is my pain is so invisible to them... 

 

These thoughts had drowned me in depression. I would be alone all day... I would get no empathy from anyone... I was angry, bitter, hurt, always feeling like I would die in emotional pain and its intensity... 

 

I joined therapy at IWill to try to find a way out.. to maybe really see if I was the “sad” one if I was “the wrong one”. It was in therapy at IWill, that I could see how whatever I was being treated with, was not my fault and I deserved empathy and understanding. 

 

Through therapy, my therapist helped me, start building my self-esteem. I couldn’t change the family that I was in, nor move away due to my circumstances but I could change how I was to myself... 

 

She started helping me focus on what MADE me happy... not becoming a part of things that drained my happiness...

She helped me reconnect with things, activities, people that valued me... and that I valued 

 

She helped me fight these inner thoughts that made me want to do nothing, that were draining my energy... 

 

I started caring for myself. I started loving myself. 

I started connecting with my goals. I didn’t sit there for people who didn’t care for me, to do things for me. But I also didn’t allow them now to do drama and dominate my life...

I really had to struggle a lot to lessen this pain. Things would have been so much better if I too had people around me who were understanding, who I could run to when I was in pain, not run away from them! 

But I am glad at least due to IWill therapy and support. I am not depressed anymore and I don’t break myself any longer... 

 

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