IWill

IWill 2022-12-09 12:09 - 4 minute read

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Whenever I tried to do something good, something bad happens. How did I overcome this trend of ages

IWill blogs

 

Ok, let me give my all to my work. Let me get the project I have always wanted.

And when I was working on it and close to achieving it, I suddenly fell so sick that I was in the hospital. This happened out of no where and shook me completely.

Somehow I overcame it.

I decided again to put everything behind, have a happy life and plan for good things. I wanted to settle down and get married and I was so happy, but when the marriage happened, I was suddenly in a home where I was isolated, nor understood and also ignored. I would face competition, loneliness and unhappiness.

And this broke my heart... It took years for me to feel normal. And when I tried working hard again, either it was money, health, family, some crisis, anything and everything that would come and block my possibilities, push me back into the slumber.

 

I felt unluckiest, I felt like nothing good I should try for, because when I try for it, worst happens with me.

My life was a book of disappointments by now. And I would feel self doubt, guilt, frustration all the time. I would have such pity and anger on self.

I decided to start IWill therapy as the emptiness, the setbacks, the doubt, the questions of people around were all breaking me.

It was in therapy that I shared snd poured my heart out. All the trials of my life. All the places where I tried to win and get ahead and life pulled me back.

I shared that I had a bad luck. I had some deeper problem as no one else had a life like this.

And my therapist here helped me to see a broader perspective, that I share with you today.

 

She said in all things that i shared, two things were common 

 

One was yes I had suffered a lot and pain was there.

And second that I had somehow not stood up for self, prioritized self. And this happened due to unsealed trauma

 

So when my health went bad, I left my work, my self care, work on my mental health and let life sway me in a direction that it wanted.

When my new family didn't treat me well, I couldn't assert, I couldn't myself first, I couldn't focus on healing and this happened because of trauma I was carrying which had suppressed my spirit.

My IWill therapist said that first we have to work on trauma, we have to heal that, we have to make you feel deserving, capable, lucky because you are. Despite odds, I was standing tall, despite issues each time I tried and that showed my strength, a strength I had chose to ignore.

She then helped me learn to persevere, no matter what. To stand for self, to work hard, to make different kinds of rewards of self but continue on the path of action, of trying, of not stopping.

She also helped me change certain things about myself. She helped me take smaller steps to my success. She helped me congratulate myself for small wins but also continue on that path.

She helped me in learning a skill of ignoring words of those who remind me of my insecurities.

And within a few months, I have started gaining some small wins. I don't curse myself. I have learnt to go on despite setbacks.

I have learnt that life will throw and people who are toxic will throw tough things at me. But I need to be with my goals, my journey despite the noise.

 

I am not unlucky. I am a warrior. I am not less. I am enough. 

Don't give up on setbacks, don't write yourself off. The bad things happening to you will surrender! 

Talk, heal, take therapy but never give up!

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