Whenever I try hard to make good things happen, worse would happen to me. I had become scared of my life. Not anymore

IWill blogs

I worked very hard to get a job that would lift my career. Everyone in my friends was so ahead of me. I had faced challenges throughout that had made me fall behind in life. But the moment I did this, someone so close to me got so unwell. It really threw me into my worst ever. Not only did I lost happiness i had gained of my small success, I had so much hurt now.

I somehow struggled through this phase, losing my self in the process, with only having fear, with not having energy to do anything.

This was not the first time I had been in thus struggle, all my life the same happened. When I got married, rather than happiness, i had to struggle a lot to adjust, I was treated poorly and differently. I was shocked that my happiest pain went worst. 

Later when somehow things got settled, I developed health and financial issues. I would always trust people and they would hurt me.

I had this time felt like life can never give me happiness, no.matter how hard I try, life will turn worse for me. This time I lost the complete trust in life.... I just would cry, lie hopelessly, stare at things around and just feel pain...

I was living through my worst and felt I was lucky, with karma punishing me for being good and trying.

 

I joined IWill therapy as I was having anxiety attacks, I needed to talk to someone. I was collapsing. 

In therapy, when I shared my story, all the years of trauma, hurt, setbacks and how I felt unlucky, she empathised with me. She didn't shut me down for sharing my pain but helped me process every bit of it, process all the thoughts, beliefs I had developed.

 

In therapy she helped me see how I was neglecting myself even today.... incidents that happened to me, I would let them sway my life, my goals, my priorities and I would let it make me lose it all.

 

I needed to hold on, pain was one thing, letting my own self go down the dumps was totally another. She acknowledged my pain but also that in all these years, I had let go of my self needs at pain....

I needed to manage my hurt, deal with things that happen to me, things that bring pain, break down but not let that pain take away my ability to excel, fight back, be myself, keep healthy and more.

Through therapy she helped me to not let life and it's hurt, circumstances take over to the point that they break me, they sway me every time like a flow of river to areas where my life gets completely ripped of happiness.

In this present phase, she helped me take care of things around me, my loved one's health but also take care of me, not blame me and my luck for every problem that happens in my life. She helped me focus on my career, my health, my social self, my mental health...

And therapy helped me, to fight when life throws a curve ball, when things go tough, to learn to process hurt and still hold on to self, let it not destroy or sway in the winds of uncertainty and pain.

I am glad for IWill. In my present worse phase, I am coping the best and holding on, not blaming self but healing, nurturing and protecting, me and the world around me. 

I deserved healing, comfort, someone who understands me and glad I got it all.