Why do I miss my parents an     home so much after marriage?

Shivani Makkar

Its not like I don't want to live at my husband's house. I was happiest when I was getting married with the thought of living with my husband, having my own home, and getting love and attention from my husband and his time for me. 

But then when I came here, I got a very different atmosphere,

My husband was always with his family, cousins, and mother. He would do everything for others and barely talk to me in front of his family... This was so painful and shocking to me because he wasn't the same before marriage. When he used to meet me outside or speak with me on the phone, he showered so much love and value on me...

I don't know what happened when we got married. Around his family, he was always trying to show that his family meant everything to him. 

 

No one cared for me in this home... whether I existed or not. 

I had expected to be loved and to be valued and pampered by my husband but he only was busy showing his family that he cared for them.

 

I was craving the love  i would receive in my home If i was upset, my parents would see it on my face.

Food made was always of my choice. Sometimes I would have to ask my mummy to stop asking me... here no one bothers to ask me what I even like, or why I don't eat... I missed all that I took for granted and lost! 

I missed how if i didn't speak for 10 minutes and looked sad, everyone would surround me, and ask me, and here if i am crying all night, my husband thinks I was dramatic and would leave me alone...

I joined IWill therapy and my therapist at IWill understood that I was craving the love I always had, and the love one expects in marriage.

She helped me first realize that this ignorance wasn't a reflection of how I was. I wasn't unlovable. Nothing was wrong with me... My therapist acknowledging this pain for me was healing for me...

She helped me focus on my career and find ways to connect with the people who loved me—t is my family! She also helped me reconnect with my friends and engage with people who made me feel special. 

She helped me learn to assert myself and stand up to my new family if they said things that were painful or hurt my self-concept.

As things got better for me individually,

She suggested IWill couple therapy. I convinced my husband to join couple therapy. It was in therapy at IWill, that my therapist helped him see how isolated and how unloved I was...

She asked him once what was the definition of home for HIM and as he described love, safe space, comfort, and respect, SHE ASKED HIM TO EVALUATE IF HIS HOME WAS THIS FOR ME. He couldn't say that it was!
She asked him once in a role-play how would he feel if no food made in my home was of his choice, or if no one including my parents spoke to him, how would he feel... She helped him see how it was much worse for me in his home where there were only expectations and no love....

She helped him see that I was going back to the love of my parents...I was missing LOVE IN MY LIFE WHICH HE HAD PROMISED TO GIVE... 

 

I was alone and lonely

I was away from my home and love

My husband realized and started taking care of me... He started doing things that made his home my home!
He would ensure things are done that I like too!
He would make me feel that I was important to him!

I am glad therapy at IWill gave me my home... Women don't just run back to their parents! They run back to the unconditional love that they crave.... The love that their partner should give them and make the home after marriage bliss!

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