IWill 2024-03-02 05:17 - 6 minute read

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Worst are those who talk sweet but constantly find faults in you to damage you 

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Oh I missed you so much

You never call us. Do you do that to your mother too!


Oh wow you had that promotion! Great you know it got delayed right, you struggled a lot. Chalo good finally some thing ok is happening. 

You know sumit's wife got a big promotion in just one year. She is very hardworking 


You look nice 

But you were so beautiful earlier. Like your complexion oh god, how good was it! 

Ok, nice he is so changed! 

He was always caring, never argumentative, God knows what changed him so much!!! 

Oh still haven't been able to buy your new home. Hoped things would have changed for you...

You know she is so good, balances home and work, she is doing so well. She is extraordinary.

Oh wow, your family is very nice. So simple and maybe because they don't have to worry about managing big stuff like businesses etc, simple people... money is not everything! There is difference but it's OK


These and many more snide remarks passed in sweetness day in and day out were my reality

Delivered in a tone and format as soft and cool as ice. I just felt completely useless... initially I would feel angry but didn't know what to show anger on and over time I started internalising all this hurt and pain and trauma! 


I started thinking I was less.

I would fail more because I would feel ashamed of myself

I would be isolated and within myself feeling such pain as I couldn't speak at all and had to keep this all in.


I was broken beyond redemption. I would feel heartbroken and yet couldnt fight back.

My self esteem, my efforts, my confidence was at an all time low


I was completely misunderstood

If I would cry, my partner would blame me

My friends would tell me how are these "small things" impacting me and yet I was breaking every day.


I joined IWill therapy. My therapist at IWill didn't trivialize my pain... she acknowledged and understood how small constant insults wrapped in sweet tone can be more damaging, the comparisons done to sound like nothing, break self esteem like no other...


And my therapist helped me stand up for myself, and find confidence in myself again, she helped me see how I was still as beautiful, that my family background I was to be proud of, that my achievements couldn't be trivialized, and that I had to stand for myself

She helped me assert in real time. When someone attacks me in a subtle voice, I can assert back in subtlety too.

When someone talks about my family in an unkind gesture masking it as praise. I can still say what I didn't like about it and was unacceptable to me.

And she helped me see that this fear of being misunderstood was breaking my self-esteem each day. She also helped me work so much on myself so that I achieve more, look towards what I can do and continue doing it whether someone says anything about me.

Soon I became super successful, assertive, and outright upfront with denial, defiance, and defense of sugar-coated abuse.

And when the ones doing it, didn't like it and told me I was being mean, I didn't get worried with their labeling, rather would use that to say, that just because I said I didn't like something, you labeled me as mean, it only proves my point further

People especially my partner who was unable to see my abuse, with changes in my personality, my strength, my asserting and logically comparing, saying things similar to this to him and asking how he feels, could change his view on this.


I stopped taking sweet wrapped worst abuse.

I stopped taking further abuse on feeling bad about it.

I stopped judging myself basis opinion of those who saw me flawed and problematic due to their biases.


It was them, not me!


The worst pain is inflicted by people acting sweet but one can do undo that! That's exactly what I did!!! 

And I am free, Happy and self-reliant and confident now!!!

Shweta Sodhi

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