IWill

IWill 2021-08-26 11:59 - 2 minute read

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Worst is to isolate your husband/wife to show loyalty to family! 

IWill blogs

 

I was stuck in a marriage where rather than getting a companion, I got a man who was always worried to not let his family feel upset about me entering his life...

This sounds strange right? When you marry someone you expect them to be your companion... 

 

But not in my case... 

 

I was in a new marriage, with a new set of people, who were always trying to show me as an outsider.. and worst pain came from my spouse... 

1. He would never talk to me in front of others... 

(Was I not his wife? Is this what my whole life will be now? These were the questions I would get!)

 

2. He would avoid making plans with me alone... as he didn’t want to give a feeler that he had changed.. 

(What was I supposed to do? No romantic life, no sharing. Was I supposed to be depressed and alone ?)

 

3. He would always praise others... when I did something, he would randomly say his mother is the best in this, or someone else... 

(I felt devalued... I felt low in self-esteem, dejected. Insulted... this was about me right.. why did I have to be compared?)

 

4. He would never share much with me. He would announce his plans while everyone else knew everything!)

I felt like an outsider... this man I left my world for? Of this man is who I want to make a new world with? Who doesn’t even feel

Like telling me anything! I am like furniture who he doesn’t care for.. 

 

Nothing can feel worse that rather than being treated like family, you are compared and kept as “less”

Nothing feels worst than when you are already nervous about your new life and you are further made to feel insecure, isolated at every step of the way.. 

it’s like bringing someone on a new road and then crushing them all over!

 

I was depressed, angry, disillusioned, isolated and so so disgusted... I wasn’t married to be compared and broken or to manage someone’s insecurities! 

 

It was in IWill therapy that first I managed to control my pains and focus, rebuild my self-esteem again.

Later my husband joined therapy too. 

Through role-play, interpersonal communication, open listening, and helping show that this was toxic and bad for him too as he was compromising the relationship that would be there for his life, he started getting assertive and developed a bond with me. Things are much better... I am trying to forgive him but it’s gonna take some time as trauma comes back and fear takes over... therapy is helping with this... 

But seriously, she or he is family, the one you are getting married to! Stop using them to satisfy egos. She is not here to break a family! Don’t break her 

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