Worst is when a mother in law expects that son and daughter in law shouldn't have an independent and close relationship

IWill blogs

Why do you talk to her so much? Why have you changed?

Why do you want to always want to go with Arun. Give him some space.

Again a movie plan? Concentrate on your work Arun.

Oh you bought this shirt, with who, you never asked me Arun.

We can go there, Swati is not needed.

Spend some time with me Swati, your husband isn't running away anywhere.

You must understand how things work here, invest time In making relationships, that's what sustains marriages, that's what will make Arun happy too, he loves his family more than anything.

 

This was me after my marriage.

This was the worst pain for me.

My mother in law didn't like my relationship with my husband. She wanted him to ignore me and me to not expect or invest time in our relationship.

She wanted that any care that happens for my husband should happen through her and any care that happens from him, should be for his mom.

 

I was devastated and broken. 

I felt like I was denied my place. I felt like there was no love and seeing my husband there but having no bond with him, would break me.

I felt isolated and also I didn't like the pressure. It was unsettling

She would compare how his own daughter pampered her the most

 But I wasn't here to do that. I was married to my husband and yes his sister wouldn't need his time but I would.

I didn't know what to do. I was suffocating, I was scared, I was helpless, I would cry and feel choked but didn't know a way out.

I joined IWill therapy and it was here that I got some hope that things will get better for me.

I first learned to assert. Speak politely yet affirmative when something wrong was happening to me.

Second I started focusing on my growth, my life beyond a wife, I had ignored my work, my friends due to this pain that was overwhelming me but it was leading me to depression and further lack of self confidence and was making me feel stuck.

She helped me focus on my work and my friends and my life so that I don't feel this limited or completely without drive or support.

As things got slightly better for me, my husband too joined couple therapy at IWill. It was here that he understood that it was so wrong to not let the bond between him and me emerge.

She helped him see that I was primarily here for him. I had a home, a family, I was married to him. If our relationship was happy and good, that would be the basis of everything.

She also helped him see that if my father or family had similar expectations of me, how would he feel. If he was made to feel secondary like this, what impact would this have?

 

He changed and I asserted. We both started taking care of each other.

He would not feel guilty of our time together and would assert for my space with him, my individuality and that I needed to please no one to be accepted. This was my home too.

His affection, love and change washed away the pains of the past few months of being denied my role as his wife

It was and is really the worst pain when someone stops your independent relationship as couples, from flourishing. Glad for me, it improved.