IWill 2021-11-30 11:33 - 4 minute read

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Worst is when your own loved one gets manipulated against you & doesnt trust you

IWill blogs

There will always be people who are jealous, insecure, or those who don’t want your bonds to get closer with others because they want to maintain their control and power!

While this is unfair and painful and you may wonder, what have you done to them that they are so bad to you, worst pain is when your own loved one gets manipulated and starts believing them and behaving with you strangely and unfairly!

This is what happened to me!

My own partner who I thought really understood me, started seeing my otherwise lovable things as a problem!

The care I had for him and he appreciated it too, suddenly became suffocation when his people around manipulated him into thinking that I am trying to make him away from others and be overly possessive!

My expectations from him that he used to think were special, started looking like dominance and my attempt to control him! The very things that made him happy, he would fight on them with me now; saying I am doing this to show how he is less, to control him and to really gain power over him

Everything that I did out of love, every expectation I had was given a bad flavour!

Worst pain for me was that my partner actually got manipulated. That our love was so weak? That his trust on me and understanding about my emotions so less?

How could he start to dislike the very things he loved me for?
How could my love become control, negative and so much more for him?

I was heartbroken, upset, very LONELY, and completely feeling guilty. Within my heart, I felt how could I fall in love with someone who changed like this?

I started IWill therapy as I felt clueless and directionless, and emotionally numb to do anything!

It was in IWill therapy that first I gained strength, that no matter what I had to stand with myself! I had to not feel less worthy or not write off on my life because of things that were happening!

The therapist helped me reconnect with other people in my life who loved me a lot and focus on my career and self-growth too! She also helped me learn to disconnect and disengage and not give these fights my active energy!

She helped me step by step gain control over this immediate urgent need I was feeling to just get my partner to be how he was! She helped me see that I could be happy despite these issues!

And as I started focusing on myself, my career, and my mental health, things started getting better for me!

I stopped expecting anything from my partner! I stopped getting affected by daily dramas of manipulation! I stopped asking for things, or asserting my right!
My partner witnessing this change one day asked me what has happened. When I refused to address, he said he wanted to fix issues and work on things, and understand where things went wrong!
After a lot of thought, he too joined therapy!
And it was in therapy he could see,

How for others' insecurity and attempts to bring the difference in us, he had let go of a beautiful relationship we shared!

He could realize that everyone who loves cares and that expecting is not dominance! How he should have listened to his original feelings, our chemistry, the strength of this relationship and not judged me basis lens of those who didn’t even love me!

My partner realized his mistake and could also see how much I had been broken in the process! Things are much better for us now and my husband doesn’t even hear a word about me from others!

Yet I would say nothing hurts worse than your own loved one being so easily made to be turned against you! The fear, the pain will take some more time to go! The wounds of this are always deep and this always unfortunate

Aakansha Dagar

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