IWill

IWill 2021-07-22 10:56 - 4 minute read

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Worst pain is caused by people who blame you for their bad behavior

Sunanda Singh

You are the reason I yell at you!
No one likes you here because you are not ready to adjust!
I can’t spend time with you because you are so complaining, hysterical!
Oh again you started crying, now you know why it’s so difficult to talk to you!
You don’t know how to live in a family. It’s not us, it’s you!
I am like that only. I don’t like talking! You are making the atmosphere worse by everyday irritating me!


You know when was I said all these things?

When I asked for time to be spent with me!
When I cried since nothing in the home happened taking my needs or even my presence in consideration!
When everyone else could get love, care, special attention and even empathy, but it was not there just for me!
When I was always ridiculed, always made to feel like less than everyone else, almost like a second class citizen and that I wasn’t happy in such a world, was my fault and fault of my “no family values”.

I was being crushed!

 

First I was being treated subhuman, ignored when I didn’t ever deserve it! No one isolated me, made me feel so less, so competitive, so ignored ever!

The second and worse was, I was blamed for feeling pain due to it! I was shown to be naive or being “uncultured”, or “un sanskaari” for expecting anything else, for expecting space, for expecting that my voice, my needs, my care should also be done, be part of the conversation! 

 

I joined IWill therapy because I was so gaslighted, so lost, sometimes I would blame myself, other times I would feel completely angry, let down! 

In therapy, therapist helped me heal. Lift the trauma and make me see I was a person with full dignity, just like I was always treated like one before all this! 

 

She helped me learn the art of assertion, of boundaries, of giving back, of speaking up, of not letting the narcissistic abuse continue! Not allowing others who cause my tears to label me “mad or problematic” for it! I was reflecting, the hurt I was being given! 

 

She helped me focus on my career. My life too! She helped me reconnect with people who loved me, made me feel like I was deserving, ensured that I felt looked after!

She helped me find my voice back, speaking back to those who had made me guilty for the pain their ignorance, isolation, lack of consideration was causing!

People around started seeing through, people were forced to acknowledge their abuse! I found a way to move out of the need to be given their love for me to be validated! That was the worst pain and I am glad I could leave it behind! 

Never allow someone to blame you for their behavior! Never allow someone to feel you deserve abuse! Because you don’t! Get therapy! Get stronger! Heal! Build and show them who you are and what you are made of! 

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