Worst pain is to be in a marriage where expectations are all one sided.
I was supposed to understand all the grief, hurt, emotions, responsibilities of my partner.
I was expected to be completely always taking care of them, their needs!
I was expected to even understand them when they neglected me because they had other “priorities” and I had to be a good supportive spouse!
But when it came to me, I should have no expectations!
Something or the other was more important than me!
Sometimes it was the work!
Sometimes it was the needs of the family!
Sometimes it was just having a good time with friends!
All this while I felt used and exhausted!
I felt unloved and unseen!
Everyone around me felt selfish... no one wanted to understand me!
I was feeling choked! I was feeling empty.
I was feeling so angry within, so irresponsibly treated...
Depression, anxiety, were all clinically diagnosed in me. I joined iwill therapy...
It was in therapy that the first step towards healing began.
My therapist helped me to stand up for myself first. That is saying no when I was expected to ignore myself! Being ok, in making my own plans whether my partner participated in them or not!
Second, therapist helped me in reducing the anger I felt by showing that I couldn’t be responsible for someone else’s lack of understanding! I had to speak up. Set boundaries! Say how I could see their rules were different and that I couldn’t comply with them anymore! But not tolerate this any further!
In therapy, I also started working on my own mental health, my own sanity, doing things for myself!
Later with the change in me, my partner started complaining that I had changed and I lacked empathy! And this is when I said, I am the same.. I have just understood my responsibilities towards myself!
I won’t be here carrying the baggage of expectations, doing everything and even standing in line so that you are pleased and people around you can say what a great spouse you have, while I am dying internally, ignored and similar considerations for me are never shared by you!
I don’t know what would change in them! I don’t even care now! We aren’t that young anymore where I want to speculate on what they will do!
I am glad their ignorance is not any longer impacting my mental health! I am glad that I am not fulfilling their expectations alone at my expense! I am glad For MYSELF!