IWill 2021-09-11 12:32 - 6 minute read

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Worst pain is to be with people who damage their loved ones for ego & control

IWill blogs

In life we can trust very few people, we look towards very few people to support us and be with this.

But the worst pain comes when you trust and get pain from your own loved ones. Your own loved ones to maintain their ego, get their benefit and manipulate, destroy you and make you feel worst about yourself, make you feel like you don’t matter! 


Reasons why people damage their own loved ones 

1. To gain power and control 

2. To pin your mistakes on others 

3. To make oneself look better by making loved ones look bad 

4. To please others 

5. To gain access to their resources 

6. Due to deep-seated internalized jealousy or neglect 


How does this damage a person facing such attacks?

1. Makes them isolated 

2. Makes them look like a culprit when they are not 

3. Damages self-esteem 

4. Makes them lose trust

5. Can cause severe self-esteem issues and even depression

6. Can mess up with their happiness completely 


How to deal with when this is happening, how does one know

1. If you feel like people around you judge you a lot nowadays, they are distant, and don’t talk the same way and it’s happening because someone is speaking in ways about You that can manipulate others, this could be a sign!

2. You feel attacked by the person constantly even when you thought they will understand you. 

3. You feel like they twist your words to always show themselves in good light 

4. You are ignored and intentionally hurt! 


5. You feel mistreated and more drained around loved ones than otherwise!


6. You feel judged and scared. 


How to get out of this situation?

1. Start therapy if you feel your emotions are way too hurt. If you feel difficulty in moving on from painful emotions and mental flashbacks of their behavior that cause anger over and over 

2. Work on yourself in therapy. Your assertion matters, your goals matter, you matter. Your story matters! Their control on your emotions and resulting difficulty for you to act, is painful and needs to be dealt with

3. You need to gain strength to stand up to them. If they being your loved ones are attacking you, you need to have the strength to stand up and stop them from doing this. 

4. Focus on yourself, heal yourself, you don’t deserve to face more pain.


Here are some examples shared by clients at IWill who felt hurt and faced the indescribable pain of being attacked by one’s own sibling 

1. My own sibling manipulated my parents against me consistently. I was most lonely at a time when I needed my family the most. But maybe my sibling wanted power over me, Maybe they saw that blaming me for everything and this distance will elevate their place in the family. And so they harmed me unbearably.  And it was the worst pain, very damaging emotionally for me.My own parents judged me, felt I was selfish when in reality I was going through so much.. I really was wanting to not live, I was so helpless... I started therapy at iwill on a friend’s recommendation and in therapy, my therapist helped me focus on myself, my life, work right now to manage my issues; my emotions... therapist helped me see that I was now pushing myself further in this pain... I needed to work on writing my story myself, to be successful; to be happy despite how much alone I was left... it took time but I got back up and started focussing on things that mattered for me, my life!!

2. My own partner attacked my self worth, ignored me for others... others had convinced them that spending time with me, giving attention to me was somehow a display of how weak and powerless they are... somehow it meant that they were not as caring of others and their ambitions... and so they harmed me... I was worst affected because my partner intentionally ignored me in front of people, made me feel like I was so secondary for them, made me feel hollow and empty and less important, and even stupid and foolish to love them so much! It was the most draining experience for me... of course, I joined therapy, worked on my broken emotions, learned to say the right thing, not sit there, wait, and let my day be damaged just because they ignored me, but the fact remains the pain I got from my partner has been the worst! 

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