Worst pain is when wife is made to feel lonely despite her husband being around 

IWill blogs

 

When I got married, I had dreamt that I would be now never alone , loved so much, I will have someone in my life who I would be able to share all my pain with, someone who would support me and stand by me in life.

But in reality my worst pain triggered after marriage. The pain of being made to feel lonely by my own husband

Having left my home, only for him, his family still would stop him from talking to me in name of people , in name of not changing after marriage and worst was he started to listen to them and would speak less and less to me.

Even going out with him, he offering me food or giving me attention would bring taunts from his sister and Mother and worst was he stopped making plans!

They would always in his home say one thing or the other on my style, my attitude and my habits, to put me down, to make me feel like i was less or not what they had wanted. They would ignore all the good things in me and focus on things that they needed and I didn't have. And when this silent form of abuse, the indirect abuse would happen, my husband never stopped it.

He would ignore it and still continue to be so good and even better to his family, to show them he cared for them as much. This would break my heart

If I cried, I was dramatising!

If I didn't eat food, he would ask once and then sleep ignoring me!

I was so lonely. I was hurt. I was pained for my future that I became depressed! Life started feeling like a burden! 

 

I was unhappiest!

I was hurt beyond words!

I was scared and unsettled ! 

I was angry within for being so mistreated 

 

I started therapy at IWill when one of my friends suggested the platform.

My therapist at IWill completely understood me, she heard me, acknowledged my feelings and made me feel valid! 

She then started first helping me heal! She would work with me and help me find first ways to make myself happy, focus on my career, cry but not break, always take time out for work, always take time out for self love, for standing up and Assertion, for responding to those who said wrong and didn't hesitate. It was my right

To stand up for myself! 

She helped me communicate with my husband openly on where I was hurting, without breaking myself!

As I started healing with therapy, with my therapists support, as I started caring for myself, my husband started noticing!

On conversation, he agreed for couple Therapy at IWill.

Our therapist listened to us and she helped my husband see that what if this was happening to him?

What if he was alone in my place. With a person he trusted most and with who he has made family, what if he was isolated, insulted, ignored!

 

How would that feel!?

She helped him see that his mother too has a husband, a daughter, the daughter too has her family! Not everyone is loving only him nor should they!

She helped him see that I was his first family! I was here for him and he was ignoring me to prove he has not changed!

But this change must happen, love for spouse, time for spouse is the first promise of marriage and not having that is what actually breaks marriage! 

 

She helped him see my abuse and how real it was!

At the same time, she helped me see his perspective too! Of how if my parents, or brother would have been feeling like this, I would have gotten torn, even though wrongly so and so I should give us and ourselves a clear chance and not hold the baggage later of what happened in the past!

To sort this here and then lead a peaceful and mentally happy life!

 

Needless to say my husband started caring for me, he would stand up for me, if someone attacked me, he would makes plan with me and ensure we live our best! He was no longer bullied as he would stand up and tell others when their expectations were wrong!

Things have changed for us so much! 

And I am so thankful to IWill

No more lonely, I wanted to share this for many others who may be suffering like me, to validate their feelings! Yes it's worst when husband makes you lonely! 

It's totally opposite to what your heart and soul needs and it can break you!

Seek help from IWill like I did, stand up for yourself but never break in silence! 

Amrita Sehgal