IWill 2023-09-22 12:45 - 2 minute read

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Worst pain is when you get no appreciation or Value for All that you Do

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I wake up 6 am in the morning, work hard at home and work and usually I crave for basic appreciation.

I cook food. Never does anyone in my family tell me I did well. It takes efforts to organise things but no one cares.

My partner never appreciates me for anything that I Do. Only complains or critical feedbacks on what wasn't good or where I missed ..

I do so much yet it always falls short. 

So many people when in therapy share how lack of any appreciation and constant complains makes them feel worse. It makes them feel like all their efforts are wasted.


Why does this sense set in?

Well sets in because of lack of appreciation feels like rejection. It causes same pain, you do things for people but you don't get feedback that it was well received and this gives pain just like one of being rejected.

Second because appreciation makes one feel wanted. Makes one feel seen and heard. Lack of it makes one feel that may be they are not even needed. That their presence isn't really contributing in anyway to the person.

Third it can feel like wasted effort and suffocation. You do so much and yet no one takes any notice. No one appreciates. It looks like you have wasted a part of your self.


It leads to self doubt. Sooner or later, lack of feedback will make one feel like they are not good enough and this is what leads to painful thoughts that in many circumstances can be the causal factor behind mental health issues as serious as depression.

Dysfunctional relationships are also a direct result of this. Efforts should always be acknowledged, the good someone around you is doing should always be appreciated but when it isn't, it empties the person. And also causes resentment and pain, that often then leads to discord and unhealthy patterns further.

In therapy not only do we help the person see and recognise their intrinsic Value, to learn to not base judgment of who they are on a few people, but we also help them learn to assert, and stand up for self.

We also try and help through couple sessions, overcoming of this lack of appreciation, this feeling of not being respected for all that a partner does and address it. Because for healthy relationship, one needs to be valued, respected and cherished for little and large things that people do.

This pain is real. It can be very isolating and damaging.

If you are going through this, seek help  


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