IWill

IWill 2021-05-05 08:22 - 4 minute read

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Worst place to live for me is my husband's home because of absolute lack of care and differential treatment

IWill user

You are less of a human being. Nothing is said and yet so much is made to be felt! 

Your work is not as important. Your success and your defeat is not important.

If you are unwell, no one feels as bad. You are alone, missing your family, no one understands your pain.

Everyone else matters. Every family member in the home or distance matters but not the woman in the home, not the wife of son!

Everyone else could have mood swings, good day,s and bad days but for me, everything I felt became a measure of my personality! Everything was not tolerable, not appreciated.

Everyone else deserved empathy, love and care. I was supposed to be mature, responsible, even though I was youngest may be, more lonely than anyone else and more isolated!

 

Remarks like the following were commonplace

 

If I expressed my pain then "you are so negative, get more positive"

If I share my problem then "your husband has so many issues. You should think about him too"

If I speak about my pain, it will remind of "how much my sister in law is troubled and suffering"

 

I was saddest in this home, saddest as according to everyone I deserved less care, even when i pointed out, they were incapable of loving me or taking care of me or giving me family-like treatment! 

I was most upset at my husband, of how he never spoke for me. Of how he was OK that I was living in his home and treated like a stranger!

 

I joined iwill therapy being in depression. The therapist at IWill helped me recover first, focus on myself, seek the love, the attention of those who cared for me, stand up for myself, take care of myself when no one else did!

In therapy then she asked my husband to join in. 

It was here our therapist helped my husband feel and perceive the pain I was going through!

She helped him see that I was getting no care as a family member in the home. I was supposed to be there for everyone while no one had any obligation to be there for me!

If someone else was unwell, that was pain and they were "poor and needed care", but when it came to me, i needed to be "strong and more persevering!!!"

She helped him see abuse is not just visible, sometimes its hidden, emotional, subtle, non-verbal, a treatment that I meant less, THAT I was less!

And then my husband started standing up for me, He started ensuring that he points out when someone treats me differently, when someone expects me to do, what they would never expect anyone of their loved one to do!

 

Things have changed a lot for me because of my husband changing and I am glad we took therapy! 

Before blaming the wife for being nonadjusting, people need to see if their homes are even home-like for their wife????

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