IWill

IWill 2021-12-29 09:06 - 4 minute read

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You may not like my wife but dont force me to dislike or disrespect her

Sahil Sharma


She is again going to her parents. Did she ask you?

At one place, we want my sister to come here, I am expected to be always there for my parents, and then at another point, when my wife wants to meet her parents, we make it a big deal. Why? It’s her right to go, live, and be around her parents. Simple.


She just wants to talk to you. God knows why she is not attached to others.

Maybe it could be, that only I listen to her, or make her feel at home... she is a pretty happy person from what I have seen.. and I see her interacting well even with strangers... I think maybe this needs to be also seen, why is she so quiet around here?


She wants to spend so much time with you. This will create distance between you and others...

She loves me. Isn’t that a great thing? A wife who loves her husband is a good thing, isn’t it... how is her spending time with me, going to take me away from others? If I get drawn to her, maybe that’s because of the immense love she has for me. What’s wrong with that?

This was me Sahil finally calling out the problematic behavior in my home and standing for my wife and keeping our relationship independent, without the influence of others’ opinions in it... It wasn’t like this always..

After our marriage, I had started seeing her from the lens of others who didn’t like her for whatever reasons and made me see her good things also as problematic or her normal things and needs as over the top...

Comparisons were also drawn to other females in the family who had “never demanded or expected such things out of a husband” and this created rift, misunderstanding, fights, and a lot of ignorance from my side for my wife...

Our relationship was on a downward spiral.

It’s then when she and I joined IWill therapy..: she had suggested doing this and I too saw this as a good step.

It was in therapy that I could see how normal my wife’s needs were... how much she was being asked to be ok with treated differently... I could see how her love for me was an asset. And not a ploy to separate me from others...

I could see how she was being asked to sacrifice her happiness.  The therapist at IWill helped me see that the rationale that few other women of the family lived a certain way, doesn't justify what is abuse and what is wrong... 

 

My therapist helped me understand that I could not isolate my wife or ill-treat her or ignore her because others didn't like her... My relationship with her was to rather stand up for her, protect the bond... and our love...

 

I am GLAD I realized this...

Sahil Sharma

(True story but representational image from PIXABAY)

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