IWill

IWill 2022-07-28 05:31 - 4 minute read

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Your family wants marriage to be more than full time for me but even less than part time for you. This is wrong 

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The hypocrisy of this family was broken me. The definition of marriage here is so poor and looks like it was designed to break me.

I and my husband joined IWill therapy, and it was in therapy that therapist helped my husband see the problem, the abuse and ignorance.

Therapist at IWill asked us to write what expectations of marriage are there from me vs my husband and the results were shocking to him but not to me.

 

I was expected to be only a wife now, more than full time role

My going to my family is frowned upon. This is my home now and going again and again to my own home is unacceptable.

I should always be available even to attend and be part of the most trivial events. 

I should keep Calling, meeting and attending to everyone related to my husband and massage their ego all the time.

I should always be focusing on what more can I do for my husband.

My career should be secondary, my ability to cook morning meal and lunch and dinner should decide the time and length my job can be.

I should not even fall sick. I must be strong and have courage.

I should not miss anyone. Now I am married and this is the logic that it is.

 

But my husband was asked to not even give me part time

If he talks to me before leaving from work, someone would pass a remark that his priorities have changed.

If he sits for sometime with me, he has ignored and forgotten others who are his first responsibility.

He should not go out with me frequently.

His money is not to be spent on me.

He should not come with me to my parents. It reduces his worth.

He should not openly show his attention or love to me, people talk about us.

 

So the theeapist asked, if its marriage, if its union, it should be similar. 

Both of us have to give our equal attention and space to this.

Therapist helped my husband see that he cannot be ignoring me and expecting me to keep him as my world. It was bound to develop neglect, hurt and pain.

Therapist helped me husband to also see how he and I both needed space too, I had to work as him, i needed to be treated with respect as him, I needed to have space for my family as him and he had to be a part of that too as I am part of his.

My husband could see how the marriage and it's dynamics needed to change and how they were set for only abuse, pain and isolation of me.

I was taken from my love and safety net and brought in an environment which was going to break me.

My husband has changed a lot. He is no longer allowing this disconnect. He doesn't let my abuse to happen.

He intervenes and stands up for me when my self respect, my Happiness and my need to be an individual is in jeopardy.

He loves me, gives me full attention and doesn't let anyone disrupt this dynamic between us.

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