IWill

IWill 2021-11-06 03:10 - 4 minute read

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Your wife is not here to serve your family. She is there to be loved and be a part

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I and my wife were in IWill therapy.
I had been very upset with my wife. The reason was my family wasn’t happy with her.


I had thought they would love her as I did. But didn’t happen!

My mother and my sister felt she wasn’t dedicated enough, that she wanted to be her own person and didn’t know how to be in the family after marriage!

My extended family too felt that she wasn’t as humble. And that she didn’t really act as a daughter-in-law!

While my wife thought, that I was being prejudiced , that she had expected this home to love her like a family but was very conservative, biased and even toxic for her! This is what would lead to fights and hurt between us. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just please my family? Why couldn’t she see them as her own? Why was she being so aloof?

And this is the reason we both were so unhappy and in IWill therapy.

It was in iwill therapy that in one of the sessions, my therapist at iwill said to me (this was an individual session just with me)

And she said but is your wife in your home to serve others' needs and without this being reciprocal in nature?

Do people love you in your family, want you to be happy, and care for you?

Yes of course they do, I said!

Do you get acceptance for your opinions and people to listen to you in your home?

Of course, they do! And do you think that’s what families are made of!

Yes, there can be disagreements but love is mutual!

Great so in your wife’s case, this perception is missing.


She feels sad, alone, isolated! And she needs care for that, not the words that she needs to adjust and that every woman goes through it!

It’s not only her job to be there for everyone at her expense, it’s everyone else’s job too, to make her comfortable, to make her feel loved too!
It’s not only her job to be serving others, it’s others' job to take care of her too!


She is not difficult. She is different and there needs to be an acknowledgment of this.
She is your wife, she is here for you! She looks up to you for support, respect and when you don’t understand her, she feels isolated! Just like you do when you feel she doesn’t understand you!

It’s not ok for the expectation that she is somehow here to serve the needs of others!

She is here to love and have a family, have acceptance, be equal! Happiness, love, and care only thrive in an environment like that.

See the behavior towards her too, just don’t see why she is unable to adjust! See if the environment needs some change, does she need to be given time, understanding, and a feeling this home and you belong to her.

And as I was listening to this, I couldn’t help but think she was being treated differently and it’s not ok to just think it’s been happening ever since!


After this session I observed my home and yes it was different for my wife! She wasn’t expected to smile, be happy,  be normal, be herself! There was this pressure to prove herself all the time!

Long way to go in IWill therapy, but I learnt that it’s not ok to expect wife to serve others! She is your partner and the onus of her happiness, her status in your home is that of a husband! And if she is treated poorly, this reflects on YOU!!

 

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