IWill 2021-02-07 11:02 - 4 minute read

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A narcissist punishes you while being great for others to destroy your self-esteem

IWill expert

Quoting first some examples 

The narcissist around me would constantly attack me, make me feel less and he would do this in front of others, alone. All the time... yes occasionally he would appreciate me but largely it was just plain mental abuse... one day I asked him to stop, I said it’s not ok... I don’t like to be attacked... and that’s it... he stopped talking to me... he would be better than ever to everyone but to me, he would punish me... 

Narcissists would create a lot of drama around me! I looked like I was too bad as a person destroying the narcissist. My own children started blaming me and accusing me of causing the narcissist to be in a bad shape... in reality I was in a bad shape... and being selectively punished

Narcissists would praise others to destroy me! Narcissists would always comparatively draw to bring me down. They would bring examples that were closer to me in terms of role and in terms of work, and would indirectly show how worthless I was... I was being punished while others were being rewarded or applauded... it was traumatizing and very insulting and humiliating 


What is happening here? 

In all of the above examples, the narcissist is attacking a person’s self-esteem, worth and social image and showing how the victim is the worst, further by isolating or punishing them, they are leaving the victim to think and question and feel sorry for their actions... also with such visible display of punishing; they are sending others a message, how the victim is the problem! They are creating social distance and social discarding for them 


How it impacts mentally? 

1. Impacts the self-worth

2. Impacts the emotional health 

3. Isolates socially 

4. Brings in social shame and reprimand

5. Creates long term trauma 

6. Destabilises sense of self 


What is needed to be done? 

1. Getting stronger to stand up for self and cut the narcissist supply 

No matter what they do, no matter how they isolate you, if you have said no to their abuse, it’s OK and you deserve the space... don’t judge yourself... don’t feel bad that it’s you! 


2.Seek therapy and heal all the emotions and gain strength to deal with their social and personal showdown 

You need a lot of strength to be able to heal everything they have hurt; the long term and the continuous trauma they have infected, the breaking up of personality that they have done for you! You need to come out of that pain, gain the strength to the social isolation that would happen in the same sphere or people! 


3. Develop a parallel social network 

You need people who care about you. You need people who love you...you need to be with a set of people who treat you the right way without the abuse or toxicity, without the hurt. 


4. Nurture your self-esteem 

You are worthy. You are not at fault. A lot of misses, failures that happened for you, happened because you too went through several traumas. Despite the misses, the hurt, you deserve the worth you have, the worth you are. 

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