I don’t need husband to stand up for me, even if it’s home. I am enough for myself

Jagrati Sinha

Me standing up for myself 

1. I am not ok being always treated like everyone is doing a favor by talking to me!
I am wedded to the son of this family. It was known that I will be a family member. If someone had any doubt, they should have not gotten me married.

2. Why should my parents be ignored or treated like they are less than anyone. Their daughter is educated, they have done well for themselves! They are great people. I will not tolerate any disrespect from them, just like you feel for your family!

3. Why should I not expect Arun’s time. He is my husband. If he has no time for me, fine! But then the question is what am I doing here? Why are we married? Why does he call himself my partner? I had a home to live, people who loved me... there was then no reason for me to be here...

4. My career is important to me. I have spent decades preparing for it. And it’s not ok for people to not value it.

5. I will do everything for everyone. But I also need to be treated humanely, family! Like I have emotions, I am hurt! I need support too!!! It’s not always about everyone else... I am not a robot!

This was me Shikha standing up for me in my home after marriage.

I wanted my husband to stand up for me. It was his home and I didn’t want to be in bad books of anyone, I didn’t want drama. I didn’t want more labels! I didn’t want more isolation. I didn’t want to be abandoned...

But then I was breaking... My husband was completely different when it came to his family... I was left to struggle, be expected to do things no one did, to put myself last.

Emotional pain had overwhelmed me, I had lost my sense of direction, of course with this kind of home environment, mental health issues are natural. And I had got them too. I would be always crying, wanting to die, not be alive...

I joined IWill therapy, one day just to talk, to cry my heart out! I was feeling like taking my life at the time!

It was in therapy that I first healed myself, then I made sense of what was happening and learned to assert, set boundaries, and do the right thing for myself!

The support I had emotionally, and the fact that the therapist helped in managing my emotional pain made things easier for me...
asserting for yourself when your heart is hurting doesn’t work out but this did!

I don’t need a man to stand up for myself, yes it’s his home, yes he should have done this like I would have if this was my family...

But there is Deep-rooted conditioning to treat the wife as an outsider and be apologetic for loving her!!! I won’t let one more generation with me pass in hope that people get enlightened... My life, my future, and my current all are important to me.

And I won’t wait, I won’t be perfect at the cost of my health, well-being, respect, and emotions!

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