IWill 2022-04-29 01:26 - 2 minute read

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I just lost my happiness in accommodating others and keeping myself last. 

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How I was treated by others and how I still kept accomodating 

People were rude to me and then when I would question them, they would say things like they are so hurt, going through so much hurt and I don’t even understand them.
I would say sorry and feel bad for asking for my respect.

People would take me for granted, ignore my needs but ask me to fulfil theirs. If I question, they would say things and attack me or make me feel that they will leave me... I would get so scared and I would do what they need.

They would compare me to others, and I would go overboard to please them, all in the fear that they shouldn’t leave me...

The more I gave the more I lost.
I was becoming fragile and exploited.
I didn’t have a boundary!
What will people think of me if they leave me?
What will I do? I will be over!

These were the thoughts that ran into my mind... I had these vibes that anyone could treat me anyway and I would still do a lot for them, just to keep them.

I was always secondary, I was always belittled. I was always threatened with abandonment!

I wanted to change this about me.
This fear, I have had enough... it was less about them, it was more about me!

How was I getting such people who had the power to always dominate me... was there something in the way I was, that softness within me, that emotion that anyone can tell me something, and I bend and keep getting abused forever.

I wanted to let go of this fear

I wanted to let go of this need to please and accommodate others at my expense Of me!
I didn’t owe my life to anyone.!
I had the right to be myself

I knew I had to fix my own emotional weakness and attitude up.
I started therapy at IWill. And this was life-changing for me... As I could realise my fears were breaking me. I needed to get strong.. I had to learn and I could learn to prioritise myself

I learnt to prioritise, to be ok with uncertainty, to be ok in people getting upset or leaving but not letting go of my emotional needs...

I learnt to assert.
I learnt to be confident in myself
I learnt to not take abuse and accommodate others at my expense
*Many people deserted me but so did the abuse with them!

I am glad to find my strength and not be so weak that people use me for their happiness while destroying me and still hating me

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