I was a Mama's boy husband. Here are the 5 reasons no one should be this

Shikhar Gupta

 

Mama's boy is not the same as being a loving son. Mama's boy is a poor psychological conditioning that leads to a son being dependent on his mother even as a adult for basic decisions, sense of self worth and unable to form independent bonds, or appreciate wider relationships and even self growth.

This is where I was.

I was ok with my career being completely non existent. I let go of Many opportunities to grow, to think critically of what is best for me.

I was ok with having little or no friends and social circle and make my mother's circle alone as my own even when it was impacting me emotionally and filling me with emptiness.

And when I got married, I was ok with denying my relationship with my wife, the newly formed bond, I was ok in ignoring her needs or even feeling that she is my responsibility as my relationships could only be filtered through my mother.

 

These things made complete mess of my life with only unhappiness, emotional pain, quarrels and regrets that had toll and that we are still recovering from.

Here are my 5 reasons as to why being a Mama's boy is a bad idea and why you should become aware and overcome 

 

1. I lost a lot of happy time

Marriage is supposed to bring in new kind of love, a love where you feel responsible and romantic for someone, where you feel attracted and that is a good thing, it brings happiness, it is key for life, we have been celebrating couple love from ages. But not in my case. 

 

My mom wasn't at all comfortable if I gave anyone attention and even I felt like I was betraying my mother. When in reality I was not, we are bound to have partner and children and experience that love too, it's not betrayal or leaving your mom alone. But still we made it about this and I lost that experience, that happiness, that feeling that comes with it.

 

2. I poorly treated my wife to prove a false point.

I shouldn't talk to her or else mom will feel bad.

Why did she do this for me? Is she trying to take over my mom's space?

Why does she want to me go out with her? Does she have no feelings for my mom?

And thinking on similar lines, I kept ignoring her at a time when she needed me the most, i kept denying relationship that was hers, I kept misunderstanding her when in reality I was wrong.

It was abuse what she went through. I broke the promise made to her. I made her take such a big almost never easily reversible step of life to.marry me and then i just denied affection, just like that!

I was trying to prove a false point.. I never had to deny her love to prove love to mother, does mother ignore my sister ot husband to prove love to me, and is that seen as fair? This is as unfair

 

3. My mental health and wife's mental health suffered a lot 

Everyday pressures to prove love, to pick sides, to not be normal, to not express, to not offend my mom, just made me so robotic, and so devoid of emotional happiness.

My wife ofcourse suffered from depression because of this, but I suffered a lot too. I had become unhappy, I was agitated, I just thought the problem lied somewhere else.

 

4. Even my child didnt get love and care 

When my child got born, to pick on my wife, I would see problems in my child too. I always was expected to show more love to my siblings children as i had to be not selfish, but my child suffered because of it.

I wasn't even good to a person who only came in this world because I chose to have a baby 

 

5. Had a lot of guilt and regrets 

Of losing my family life, of treating my own wife poorly, of letting dynamics go so out of hand, of being toxic, of ignoring my own child, of not taking right education and other decisions for myself, I have regrets and only regrets.

I had intensive therapy with my wife to overcome this, to assert, to not feel guilty for having a life, for not feeling sorry or that I have betrayed anyone. Therapy at IWill helped me develop a healthy relationship first with self and then my wife.

It's great to be a loving son but also being available and open to embracing wife and your own kid and your goals.

Mama's boy person cannot do any of these. You must get aware and work to change it.