I was expected to live with in-laws and not with husband who worked in a different city after marriage... most depressing 

IWill blogs

I got married and could you believe in this day and age, the expectation in my marriage was that I should live with my in-laws and take care of them, while my husband worked somewhere else and I would see him only when he is here on the weekend.

 

I would be so depressed, alone and pained. I was married with so many dreams to be with my husband, to get his love but it almost felt like i wasn't even married. Even when he came on the weekend, he treated me like I was just there with others, he had no time for me, he would go out to meet his friends and spend time doing things that he had to do for his home.

 

It was an arranged marriage but I felt devastated. I would compare myself to my friends and my sister too, everyone lived happily with their spouses except for me.

I would wake up, feel like I am in a space that is nor my own, I would feel empty and pained and as all my dreams were so different than my reality today. I felt lonelier than ever.

 

When I talked about this with my husband, he completely took it wrong.

He said why you don't see my parents as yours?

You lived with your parents too, why the difference?

I come back too, home here is more comfortable.

I never thought you would think like this..

 

And I was stunned and shocked to be seen in poor light and blamed.

 

I was losing myself, I was becoming numb and I felt love from my life, Hope from my life had just gone away.

 

I read a blog of IWill and joined therapy. My therapist helped me first to not feel like it's end of the world.

She assured me that change will happen, that my life will have happiness.

 

She helped me have a routine, focus on my self first, and also in the same time, she helped me get assertive and communicate things without fear of being misunderstood.

 

As I started communicating, my husband agreed to be part of couple sessions at IWill.

It was in therapy that my therapist helped my husband understand following things.

Your wife got married. Had she been wanted to stay with his or your parents, she would never have been married. People marry to share space and life with spouse as primary. There is nothing wrong about this expectation.

How will your bond develop? If both don't even live together.

Just see your wife's life. She gets up, cries, misses her family, doesn't even have you around. She is exactly your age group, she needs bond, a family with you, time with you.

She wants to be happy with you. Why is this wrong?

You both need to take care of your parents but she didn't apply for a caretaker job alone. The wife in her role has got missing. And that's unacceptable.

 

Therapy helped my husband to realize that this was abuse, wrong and not ok, that being a good son didn't mean denying me even my role as a wife. I couldn't be treated like i had no dreams, no life.

Therapy helped me a lot. My husband ultimately took a stand and said that he needed us to be together and he feels lonely too.

 

I moved with him and things became great. We were still in therapy and any differences that anyone would try to create wouldn't work.

It's so unfortunate that I had to even struggle for the basic but I Am happy that atleast my life changed for good.

Women are often denied basic happiness. And i was just one of the examples of that, not anymore.