Ignoring your own wife and kids is totally expected from men, all in the name of family and nothing can be more damaging and toxic 

IWill blogs

If you are going to take your daughter's side, it will look like you differentiate. 

Don't put your children in that school. First try that your siblings' children get there. 

Give them more time and opportunities. Your kids will always be there and you can do it anytime for them.

Your wife wants you to just do things for herself and she is selfish for her kids. But families don't run like that.

This and more would be said to my husband and he would keep ignoring his own kids and me.

Our own children felt like their father never stood up for them. They felt the lack of love, attention and compassion, one deserves from their own father.

 

The same love that was missing in my life.

I was his wife but his family would ask him to de-prioritise me to the last. Everyone needs him more, I am still an outsider.

His family is his responsibility. He can't forget it for someone who came yesterday. And more.

 

And he did ignore me. He did always hesitate to love and take care of me. And now this was the same toxic pain, unleashed on our children, all in the name of family values.

 

When at the same time, no one cared for our children. 

We were living deprived because of this toxic pattern.

 

I wasn't just depressed, I was upset and angry. My family life was in shambles.

 

I was tired of being ignored and tired of my children too now being pulled into this toxicity. 

 

We started therapy at IWill 6 months ago. And this was couple. In this the therapist helped my husband explore the impact of his decisions on his own children.

 

They already had anger issues. They were being denied opportunities that they deserve and our bond was weak. In therapy my husband could see the personal loss and pain, his own family that is his children and wife were going through.

 

Same rules didn't apply for others. His own sister and her husband did everything for their kids, had trips abroad, would buy expensive things and no one would ask anything. And in my case I was totally deprived and depressed and isolated.

 

Therapy helped my husband reflect on his behavior and his ignorance and the hypocrisy that he had to ignore his family to ensure others have a good time with theirs.

 

Things have started changing. We are having a lot of open conversations in therapy at IWill.

I still have a lot of hurt within me, so many years of pain and ignorance.

My husband is making up for it. He ensures he is doing all that he can for his kids, he comforts them. Makes them feel loved. He spends time with me, he planned a solo trip with me. I can't believe this is happening but to heal it will take a lot of work, time and healing.

 

It's so painful and toxic to trigger a person against his own family and ruin their family dynamics. It's so common and yet is one of the most selfish and hypocritical thing of our society at many homes