Respecting someone doesn't mean turning blind eye to their abuse to me

IWill blogs

The worst pain for someone who looks up to you is to know that you will stand as a mere spectator to their abuse.

It's ok to respect someone because they have been good to you and they love you and you have an ideal image of them.

But it's not ok to turn a blind eye to their abuse, bad behavior, ignorance, and isolation of someone else who is also close to you.

It's not ok to be scared of offending them and in this fear, not stopping them, rather joining them in their abuse of the other person...

 

This is what happened to me.

Someone who my loved one loved and respected dearly was very insecure of me.

They would attack me, constantly making me feel less, put me down in front of others, attack me with a joint effort with others. And yet my loved one didn't say anything.

Respect for the person would stop him... Attacks on me were supposed to be ignored.

There was such fear to stop the bad behavior happening to me.

I was just 25. A young person full of energy and hope and here I was being made to feel miserable and completely isolated.

I was more damaged from the lack of support than the abuse itself.

I was more damaged with the feeling that my loved one can leave me like this all alone and that I am so less for them. 

I joined IWill therapy to really overcome my depression, to learn how to stand up against this so respectable person all alone when everyone else including my loved one had turned a blind eye to this abuse.

The therapist at IWill helped me vent out all the pain, prepare myself to focus on my career and growth, and focus on standing up for myself, to not feel that I was so WEAK THAT I COULDNT STAND TO MY ABUSE...

NO one owned me... No one was my boss... I had the power to stop this by assertion, boundaries, and self-care.

Later my loved one too joined therapy and therapist at IWill, I don't know how but could magically make him realize the hurt that I had been through, how much abuse had happened, how it was not ok in the name of respect for one to do wrong and encourage wrong on someone else who is as important. 

My loved one could see that abuse for me was not only wrong, but his ignorance was also worse...He could see if this was happening to him, how would have he felt with all this...

Things have changed a lot for me... My loved one stands up for me as do I stand for my self-respect... 

But it's true that it's not ok to let abuse continue merely because someone is good to you...

You are becoming a part of abuse in this way...And bring a lot of pain and hopelessness to someone!