Small Remarks by manipulative people  that appear HARMLESS Are the MOST HURTFUL and DAMAGING

IWill blogs

Small Remarks That were Said to me Daily

1. Ham to tumhe isiliye phone nahi karte kyunki tum to late hi uthti ho na (To almost make me feel that I am not responsible or early riser)

2. Badi late aayi. Office mai sirf kaam tumhe hi hota hai kya  (to always bellitle my work)

3. Tumne gana gaya, Hamari Anita (my sister-in-law) bada achha gati hai gana to  (Ensuring that no praise is given to me, even when I am singing, comparing me to someone else and making me feel less) 

4. She earns so much and still works at home, cooks, and cleans. Did you get any promotion? Oh, no... Hmm (They knew I hadn't gotten the promotion, and that was used to make me feel less and also a bad daughter-in-law in comparison to someone who earns a lot and still is more \"obedient\" in their eyes)

5. Oh yes your mummy was unwell. Of course, then you will be stressed. You are too attached to them. (If I displayed basic care for my mother, I would be attacked for it, as though I only cared for her and it was somehow wrong)

6. We dont eat so much spice. We eat simple food that is naturally tasty. (Anything that I would make will always be praised like THIS!)

7. Oh her daughter-in-law is so beautiful. She is so lucky to have such a beautiful daughter-in-law.  (This is just self-explanatory)

8. Oh you only think of your work and yet its just a regular job. 

9. Oh nice saree, you look nice but you used to look so much better earlier (Always instilling lack of confidence in me)

This and more would be constantly said to me AT MY HUSBAND'S home after MARRIAGE. Outside while cooking, in the bedroom, when coming back from work, when waiting to get promoted, in any occasion, there would be small remarks.

I was getting beyond depressed.

These small remarks made me see the reality of my home which was so lifeless for me.! I felt attacked, compared, belittled and insulted all the time! 

And I had no escape. If I would tell others around me that it was affecting me and they would say that I WAS OVERREACTING! Nobody was able to understand my pain...

 

I joined IWill therapy online as it was becoming unbearable for me. 

It was in therapy at IWill that I could be understood.

The therapist at IWill explained why this was affecting me so much.

Home is our safe space, we seek validation, comfort, support and love from this place.

In my case, I was constantly getting attacked on small things, I was constantly getting compared to others, to make me feel less, my wins were made to feel like they had no meaning. 

Small attacks were impacting me because they were attacks on MY PERSONALITY, on my ability, on my qualities. They were always done to make me less and this was slowly impacting my self-esteem too.

My therapist at IWill first helped me learn to not take these statements as a testimony to who I was and see for they were coming to make me feel insecure about myself!

She helped me learn to be assertive and stand up. 

So instead when someone while I am singing, chooses to praise someone else, she asked to me frame a question and ask what did they think about my singing.

If someone said someone else earns more and what is my salary, I should straight away ask, what is the connection they are implying! 

She made sure I learn to put the bully back in the box! 

She helped me also let others around me see how it was not ok, ESPECIALLY MY HUSBAND.

How small remarks that are only negative are silent and biggest way to manipulate a person's brain! 

IWill therapy helped me become confident, stand my  ground and stop the small little abuse I was facing on a daily basis! 

I give it back and not hear small remarks

I dont take anyone's negative opinion about small things in my life as a jusgment of me. 

I don't listen to things I shouldnt be listening!
 

I don't let SMALL REMARKS FLY AGAINST ME.. . They are not harmless. They can destory a person and that is why I shared my story 

Sanjana

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