IWill

IWill 2025-01-22 06:07 - 4 minute read

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Worst is when a man fights with his wife by being manipulated by his mother 

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You only care about your parents. You left my mother alone when she most needed you today..

But Shivang, your mom was fine. She said she'll manage while my mother had a very high fever! Those things are not even similar.

Yes they are not similar because you don't love my mom! You go back and only take care of your mom!

And then fight went all night! 

Why can't you take leave from this day. Mom has so many guests coming!! She always supports us... you just care about yourself

That's not true and how did this come to you... this is a discussion i had with mummy. She said she is fine with it and understood after i explained that this meeting is important for me...

Oh so you want that my mom shouldn't even tell me anything now... that she should tolerate this all by herself!  That's not going to happen! 

And another fight! 

I can't come with you for the trip... mom is really unwell and you should cancel too.

This is the third time Shivang, we are canceling any trip that we plan.... I feel like I am only important for you When something competing with mummy isn't there.

 

Oh so you compete with mom! She was right when she said that she feels you don't like my attention on my mom and that she wants to get distant from us.... but i will not let this happen.

This and much more would happen. Small things, discussions would be blown out of proportion and told to my husband. And he would come to fight with me as though I wasn't at all important to him, as if he was only trying to protect his mom and i was some bad person...

I was so unhappy... I felt so less, so lonely, so manipulated and so hurt for all that was happening to me...

I went into depression... I was crying all day...

I joined IWill therapy with online sessions and here is where my therapist at IWill helped me a lot.

She helped me first manage my own mental health. She helped me prioritise my work and also asked me to talk about key things with my mother in law in front of my husband and communicate things to him first. 

Then as slightly i felt more assertive, more in control, more relaxed.

I convinced my husband to start couple therapy... it was here that the therapist with role play helped him see what the problem was...

She made him see that wasn't it normal for a person to take care of their parents too. That if my mom has fever what would I do...

She also helped him see that if a conversation is done between two people than is it OK for it to be restarted again in front of someone else... and that too in the absence of the other person... what is the motive and will it not lead to misunderstandings?

She also helped him see that expecting things and love and care and even standing up of a husband is the most normal thing and needed.

She helped him see that in this home, only he is there for me.. we are companions and i am no other family member where his role may have been standing up for his mother. I AM HIS FAMILY MEMBER! 

She helped him also notice how sometimes due to power and control dynamics, manipulation happens and one has to be aware of it.

Our bond became stronger and he started noticing that most of the fights we had were happening due to manipulation.

The worst pain of my life is now over as my husband doesn't listen to my mother-in-law on my things and doesn't ignore my needs.

The worst pain is when this happens but I am glad therapy helped save my marriage, my mental health, my relationship and my self-respect 

MAHIMA GUPTA 

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