Year changes but nothing changes in my life, everyone gets successful!

Rohitansh Singh

Same small job for the past 7 years!
Same small home on rent!
Same problems of loans and Maybe more this year!
Same problems of being ashamed and embarrassed of where I am and what I missed to reach!
Same problems of more pain, more self-doubt, more guilt, and more comparisons with others around who look happier; more content and having it all sorted!

I was lost. Seriously how could someone with each passing year become more in pain, more in sadness, more in problems!!

I had been stuck in a loop. Things started from others hurting me, I taking impulsive steps to come out of that and then getting stuck in a vicious cycle of pain, false hopes I guess, and loss!

I joined IWill therapy as being me, tolerating me, living with my own self was becoming impossible for me!
The self-hate, the guilt; the confusion, the loss had just taken over!

In therapy I spoke all that I felt about myself; without the fear of ego, without the fear of being insulted or proven wrong!
 

The therapist heard me patiently and did share that she empathized with my views and what all had happened but the self-hate was misplaced, this lack of faith in myself was wrong! I had my fights, my issues, people used me, my fears, my being stuck up being worried that people would leave me! All of this led to my stagnancy!

She helped me and said we will go step by step!

First step to heal, to create space, to do the right thing, and then slowly change life, slowly bring in success, slowly bring in self-respect, self-belief!

I started working on that. To ignore all the hardships was tough! But the therapist's support helped! Not blaming self was tough, but happened through therapy.

 

This year many things changed

 

First that I was happy. I didn’t burden myself down with the weight of other’s performance!

Second I was working for my own self, small or big progress was worked by me! 

Third, I was setting boundaries, seeing myself in a positive light!

 

Things changed for me! I had growth in this year, more personal but visible too!

I had calmness in my life, no hate, and self-blame!

I had a direction in my life, no scare, and being lost! 

I wasn’t embarrassed, rather I was proud of who I was, and myself!

 

This year a lot changed! And it all changed within me!